Don’t misunderstand me…I didn’t say ‘art is activism’. Activism belongs in its own category and requires intentional action specifically focused on achieving political or social change.

Art, on the other hand, is revolutionary at its very core. The power of societal transformation is already there, inherent in the nature of the thing itself.

Skeptical? I’ll tell you why.

Art is human and personal. It is centered around the individual experience and perspective of the artist and how that expression translates to the person encountering it.

When we consume art, we are engaging in the radical act of seeing the world through someone else’s eyes. When we extend our POV beyond our own lived experience and peer through another human’s viewfinder, we open ourselves up to empathy.

That is revolutionary.

Empathy is not just a “nice thing to aspire to.” It’s revolutionary because it disrupts the culture of disconnection. It challenges the “us vs. them” narrative that has been used for centuries to maintain hierarchy and keep the ruling class in power.

Because at the core of any revolutionary movement, there must first be a strong pull of the people to band together in a common cause. To recognize the humanity in one another is the first and most essential act of resistance, the foundation on which all movements for justice and freedom are built upon.

That is why stories are so impactful. A good storyteller allows us to inhabit another person’s experience so completely that we find ourselves utterly invested in their outcome. (think about the last great novel you read or T.V. series you binged)

But these moments of shared humanity happen in all artforms.

🎶Music can unlock deep emotions that point to unexposed truth.

🎨A painting or sculpture can speak directly to our subconscious, connecting us through symbolism that transcends language.

🎪And then there’s Circus…

Circus has a special superpower. It makes the impossible possible. It celebrates the strength, resilience, and grit required to achieve the extraordinary. And right now, the world needs that reminder more than ever.

But it doesn’t stop there. We witness incredible feats in sports, too, but circus is unique because it also merges so many art forms: dance, music, theatre. This fusion of storytelling, symbolism, and emotion creates a multi-dimentional experience that can transform both the artist and the audience.

Historically, circus has also been a refuge for the outsiders, for those who chose to run away and defy the status quo. That nonconformity is essential to revolution. Society needs examples of people who dare to go off the beaten path, who refuse to fit neatly into the roles they were given.

Artists, by nature, are seekers. We chase the novel, the original. To do that, we must constantly challenge our own assumptions, think beyond the familiar, and search for new ways of seeing. In a world where conformity is often used to keep people quiet and in-line, this kind of creative rebellion is essential.

To create art, especially in times like these, is to build a bridge between artist and viewer, where both can emerge changed, seeing and thinking differently than before.

Now, in the age of AI, it’s even more important than ever to make art from a uniquely human place, (one reason why i love live performance so much. Let’s see AI try to replicate that!) to cut through the noise of sameness and celebrate the individual voice that only you can create.

I know I’m not alone in feeling like sometimes there’s nothing I can do to help the state of the world. But remember, (as I remind myself) artists have always been a strong undercurrent for societal change, holding a mirror up to the human experience and guiding society toward transformation long before historians or politicians catch up.

So whether your art is socio-political in nature or even if it’s not. Whether it’s profound, funny, crass, or absurd…whatever the tone or form; I believe that the world needs your art.

The post A love letter to the artists appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.

This read is for anyone who might one day have, or just recently had a C-section. This is also for coaches who’ve felt unsure how to navigate recovery, or how to guide a student safely back into movement after C-section. Please share it with anyone who could benefit from this.

Trigger warning: The first part of this blog includes a portion of my birth story. If that feels like too much, feel free to skip ahead to the second section: Recovery.

My C-Section Story

Birth not going to plan is common.

One morning, at 34 weeks, I had an unsettled feeling and the baby had not had her normal morning flurry of movement. I drank caffeinated coffee, ate chocolate and fruit. All things that would have got her doing cartwheels inside, but instead she lay quiet. Feeling nervous, I went into the local maternity unit to make sure everything was ok with her. I was in a room divided by curtains with other preggos getting checked. The CCG showed that she was in fact in distress. A nurse promptly took me upstairs to a private room to do “further monitoring”. But as soon as I sat down, in rushed four doctors, my birth team, who announced that the baby would need to be born within the hour if we wanted to ensure that she survived.

Good bye water birth in my living room with my trapeze hanging over the birth pool.

My partner arrived quickly and in hand he had my birth plan . .. the “back up plan “, the one I made and thought/hoped I wouldn’t need. And he said, it’s ok. You planned for this too. It was what I needed to sign the papers for the anesthesiologists to administer the epidural and begin the whirlwind that followed. But my back up birth plan did not include the possibilities that the baby would be in distress, which meant . .

No soft lighting

No intimate setting

No delayed cord clamping

No skin to skin

No first nursing

I sort of got my playlist, played from my partner’s phone next to my ear.

But what still hurts is that I did not get to hold my daughter when she was born.

I didn’t even get to see her face. She was wearing a breathing mask, held in front of me for a few seconds before being whisked away to the NICU and there I lay empty and open to a room of strangers.

And here is where the new part of the journey began. Pulling myself back together again both emotionally and physically. I am grateful that I was able to build a team to help mend me; this included a birth trauma therapist, and a pilates instructor who specializes in postpartum care.

For me, with patience and awareness, I am 95 % back to pre-pregnancy strength, but I have far surpassed my pre-pregnancy body with new found micro awareness and control of my core. I believe that in a few more months I might be stronger than I have ever been.

I wanted to share a bit about my story, and to share some practical things which I found useful in my own recovery journey. I am not an expert in the field of postpartum recovery and the information I am presenting is not medical advice. What’s shared here is meant to encourage and give some practical information. Everyone’s recovery will be unique to them, and based on their body, health and specifics to their own birth, I also encourage you to find your own team of specialists to help in your own healing process.

Recovery

The First 6 Weeks: Rest & Don’t Panic

I know, I know—after already taking a hit on training time, the last thing you want to hear is that you need to rest even MORE. But trust me on this one: rushing your recovery can make things worse.

Your body has been through major surgery. All medical guidance out there suggests a full six weeks of rest. A previous version of me would have done some sneaky conditioning to expedite me getting back in the air. But the hard knocks of my own full fertility journey taught me to have a little more patience, and also to heed the advice of my medical team. So I abided by this guideline and I’m happy I did.

You might feel wobbly, weak, tired—like your body isn’t your own. I promise, this won’t last forever. Think of yourself like a donut: there’s a hole in the middle, nothing holding you together. It will take time to rebuild that strength.

BUT if you must do something, here are 2 safe things to focus on:

1. Posture Awareness

Has pregnancy shifted your posture?—hello, anterior pelvic tilt! The weight of your belly and breasts pulled you forward, and now your ligaments (thanks, relaxin) are stretched out like old rubber bands. Plus, the sensation of your incision might make you want to hunch forward in a subconscious attempt to protect it.

Add in all the time spent nursing or feeding while slumped over, and… yeah. Your posture probably needs some love.Working on your posture will help with your body awareness and begin to rebuild your strength in a safe way. At random points in my day, while standing, sitting or even walking I would bring my mind to my posture.

Try these:

Mirror love
✅ Check yourself in the mirror (with love!). You probably think you’re standing up straight—but are you?
✅ Make sure your head isn’t jutting forward.
✅ Exhale, pull your ribs in and down.
✅ Engage your pelvic floor (like you’re stopping a pee).
✅ Lengthen your lower back by dropping your tailbone and drawing your belly toward your spine.

The Circle Image

Imagine a circle of energy that pulls your alignment back together.

✅The front of the circle pulls your pubic bone up and sends the energy up

✅The top of the circle settles your shoulders down

✅The back of the circles slides your shoulder blades down

✅The bottom of the circle drops your tail . . and you are back to the front

The Zipper

While standing imagine a zipper that starts right at your crotch and zips up to your head. Zip is slowly from bottom to top thinking of the two sides of your body sealing together.

You can just do these whenever you think of it. Begin to bring awareness back into your body.

2. Lateral Breathing

During pregnancy, you likely developed some funky breathing patterns—maybe chest breathing because, well, there was no room for your lungs to expand! Now’s the time to reset that which will help ease your nervous system and rebuild strength

Lateral breathing helps re-engage your abs, strengthens your core, and brings more air into your system.

Try this:
🫁 Inhale and imagine your ribs expanding outward (like you’re filling up your back with air).
🫁 Keep your belly button pulled toward your spine as you exhale and feel your ribs squeeze back in.

Why is this important?
✨ Helps reawaken your core.
✨ Reduces stress and calms your nervous system.
✨ Supports pelvic floor health

This phase is all about patience, awareness, and setting the foundation for a strong return. Your aerial practice will still be there when you’re ready—take care of yourself now so you can come back even stronger! 💪✨

___________________________________________________________________

From 6 Weeks On—Start SLOWLY!

The day I hit my six-week mark, I laced up my running sneakers and went for an aggressive walk. Not running (that’s not allowed yet), but I was determined to get moving. I walked for hours each day.

By day three? Excruciating back pain.

Why? I forgot step one: Posture.

I thought I was good—ready to go, strong, clear. But with my baby strapped to my front, my core wasn’t ready to support me. My ribs were flaring forward a lot, and I didn’t even realize it. Once I slowed my pace, and worked on my posture awareness while lateral breathing, the pain was gone within a few days.

Lesson learned: If something hurts, don’t push through it. Your body is talking to you—listen.

Scar Massage

Sounds nice, right? A little oil, some gentle rubbing? Nope. Scar massage is NOT glamorous—it can be intense physically and also emotionally if you have trauma around your c-section experience.

But it can be such a helpful part of the recovery process. Here’s why: You’re an aerialist. You’ve most likely spent time rolling around on a physio ball or peanut at some point. And you may have felt that burning, tearing feeling in a particularly tight area. This is the feeling of the fascia peeling away from the muscle where it had previously been sticky. Fascia needs to move freely and glide over our muscles.

The Anatomy of a C-Section

You didn’t just get one incision—you got seven.

1. The first three are horizontal (through skin, fat, and fascia).
   
2. The next four are vertical (through abdominal muscles, peritoneum, uterus, and amniotic sac).
   

Once healed (around six weeks), it is deemed safe to start scar massage to prevent adhesions.

Think about it: Your fascia has basically been sewn to the skin and muscle. And you need to break this up again. If it doesn’t move freely, it’ll limit your range of motion and make skills like waist wraps and front balances excruciating.

How to Do It:
🚫 No oil (yet). You want dry hands so you can actually pull on the skin. Save the oils for afterward as a little reward.

🔍 There are great YouTube tutorials out there, but here are a few techniques I personally used (and sometimes still do!):

• Circles: Use two fingers to draw firm circles (as deep as you can handle) along the scar. Go over and under the full length of it.
  
• Diagonal Pulls: One hand pulls up and to the right, the other down and to the left. Switch directions.
  

At first, you might have numb spots or areas that zing when you touch them. That’s normal—your nerves are still rebuilding. With time, this will ease up.

Exercises to Ease Back In

Wall Sit

• Stand with your back against a wall.
  
• Step your feet forward slightly.
  
• Bend your knees and press your entire back against the wall.
  
• Drop your tailbone, pull belly button to spine and flatten your ribs – Take some lateral breaths!
  

All Fours Hold

At first, being on hands and knees can feel as hard as a full plank. I remember my arms trembling, feeling so weak, just trying to keep my back flat.

If this feels difficult—that’s okay. You are a donut. You won’t be one forever.

Bent Arm Hang

• A great way to rebuild arm strength before jumping back into inversions.
  
• Tip: Don’t rush inversions! Rebuild your core and bent-arm strength first. The full invert will come later.
  

Here’s to Your C-Section Recovery!

This process is a marathon, not a sprint—but you will get there. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and trust that your strength will return. 💪✨

The post So You Had a C-Section… Now What? appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.

Still, no matter how much we prepare, none of us are completely accident-proof. Every aerialist who’s been in the game long enough has their fair share of “whoops” moments—I’m very blessed that all my injuries have been recoverable. Every single one has taught me something valuable. So, here are some of the mishaps that shaped me—what went down, how I got back up, and the lessons that stuck with me.

Injury: 2004 – Sprained neck from falling off a trapeze at Circus School

What happened:

Rehearsing for our end-of-session show at Circomedia, my duo partner’s legs accidentally released out of her knee hang while she was holding me. She tumbled off the bar and landed on top of me. I heard a scary “crack” in my neck and for a moment…I thought the worst. Luckily, it was just a sprain. But I was heartbroken that I wouldn’t be able to participate in our final show.

What I learned: I don’t know what I don’t know. Ask for expert guidance

My duo partner and I thought that just because we had learned how to mount with the base in catcher’s hang, we could simply change the basing position and apply the same techniques. We didn’t realize HOW much more advanced basing from a knee hang was vs. basing from a catcher’s hang.

Key point: We did not run this past our coaches first. This was a classic rookie mistake and it could have ended up a lot worse.

Injury: 2005 – Broken tailbone from falling off a yoga swing with no mat

What happened:

I fell off a yoga swing! Yes, you heard that right. Well, it was a bit more complicated, as this particular yoga swing had a pulley element and we were rehearsing for a performance. Still, they were extremely low to the ground and we were practicing over a wood floor with no mat. One side of the pulley slipped from my grip while I was experimenting, and I landed HARD on the wood floor, directly on my sacrum.

I was a young and excitable aerialist….so what did I do? I iced my owie, drove 2 hours to an aerial workshop, did 2 hours of aerial, and drove back.

Unfortunately the outcome of this one was pretty bad. I had to sit on a donut for about 5 years to avoid the pain. I later had a Pelvic PT tell me I had most likely broken my tailbone and it healed itself “crooked.” There’s aerial moves that I will never be able to do, as they put too much pressure on the tailbone.

What I learned: Use a mat whenever possible – as a default

Nowadays I use a mat whenever I can. Even if I’m low. Even if I’m doing things I’m comfortable with. EVEN when I perform. Yes, there are times when I’ll choose to go matless, but it needs to be a very intentional choice, and for a very good reason. As a rule, if I’m training, teaching, and ESPECIALLY experimenting, I will use a mat. (type and thickness will vary, depending on the application)

And yes, that includes any aerial yoga where my body leaves the ground.

Injury: 2015 Fell during a workshops demonstrating what NOT to do

What happened:

This one was pretty funny actually, but very unexpected and jarring in the moment. I was teaching a workshop and demonstrating exactly why a certain grip was a bad idea when—WHOOPS—I proved my point a little too well. I fell right off the silks, in front of everyone! The good news: I had a big ol’ crash mat and didn’t get hurt at all (except my ego 😉) While this was the least impactful fall I had, it was definitely the most embarrassing.

What I learned: Accidents can happen with simple moves, no matter how experienced you are

By this point, I had 12 years of experience and had demoed this exact mistake plenty of times before. But this fall was a humbling reminder that experience doesn’t make you invincible—sometimes, it just makes you forget to stay present. Also, be careful demonstrating common errors.

Injury: 2022 Back Injury – Cause unknown

What happened:

I bent over. That’s it. Anyone who has had their back “go out” knows exactly what I mean by this. I bent over, and all of the sudden was in excruciating pain.

This one was a doozy….I was grounded for 8+ months. Those who took workshops from me during that time will remember I was teaching everything via pre-recorded videos.

It took me about 1 to 2 years to recover from this one and I owe it all to my amazing PT and a ton of dedication from my end. (an hour of PT per day)

What I learned: Body balancing is KEY, your older self will thank you

Although the cause of this particular injury was ‘unknown,’ through the recovery process I untangled a lot of important clues about my body. I truly believe that most of this could have been avoided through better body balancing. What do I mean by that?

• Balancing sides of the body
• Balancing strength and flexibility
• Balancing push and pull
• Balancing lower body strength vs upper body strength (I had neglected my legs / hips)

Whelp! I hope some of my missteps can serve as some good reminders, and potentially help you to avoid similar events. At the end of the day, aerial arts—like life—is all about calculated risks. We train, we prepare, we do everything we can to stay safe, but sometimes, things still go sideways. The key is learning from those moments, adapting, and getting back up (preferably with a little more wisdom and maybe a well-placed mat).

The post Gravity Always Wins: My Most Memorable Aerial Mishaps appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.

Anyone who’s taken a dance class or two knows that there’s a structure to most dance classes. 1) Start with warm-up 2) move into technique practice and 3) finish with choreography. Meaning….you learn the teacher’s choreographed routine. (set to music!) This is one of the primary tools that dancers use when developing their craft.

It was ingrained in me early on that stepping into someone else’s choreography was an integral part of the artistic process. It wasn’t just about learning the moves—it was about learning how to move through someone else’s vision, and expanding your own creative style in the process.

So, when I found my way into the world of circus and aerial arts, I was actually a bit surprised to see the classes seemed to be missing this very important element. Of course it makes sense to be focused on building strength, skills and mastery of the apparatus, especially in the beginning. But once the student has developed enough skills and endurance to execute sequences that would be a ripe time to start learning aerial choreography, right? But when it comes to aerialists, the learning trajectory is often quite different.

It’s much more common to have the aerialist’s entry point into performance be… drum roll please….Act Creation! Usually in some form of student showcase event. A lot of attention (and pressure) is put on the student to create their own piece, and find their own unique style. Now don’t get me wrong, one of the things that I LOVE about aerial arts, that sets it apart from the path of the dancer or actor, is the permission to be your own artist and creator. Aerialists, by the nature of our art form, frequently create our own acts, embracing the freedom of personal style development. While this autonomy is fantastic, it leaves many aerialists with a gap in their education: learning other artists’ choreography.

Now I know I’m making a giant generalization, and there are some fantastic choreography classes out there that do exactly this…teach their students to learn aerial choreography. But I didn’t experience this in my own circus education at all. Then later, when traveling the world and visiting dozens upon dozens of studios I would say that this is the exception, not the rule.

Is it a sequence, or choreography?

Before we go any further, I think it’s important to distinguish the difference between an aerial sequence and a piece of choreography. An aerial sequence is the bones of the choreography. It’s the foundation that everything else will be layered upon. What are the layers? Musical cues, movement quality, gestures and dynamic tempo changes. Choreography also can introduce concept, story, and character work into the movement.

Ok, so what’s the benefit?

Why does this matter? Why should an aerialist spend time learning other people’s choreography? I see SO many benefits to this practice that are far-reaching and can transform your artistic practice in ways you might not expect.

1. Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

We all have certain moves, tricks, and sequences that we love to do. It’s what makes our style our style. But, sticking only to what you know can limit your growth. When you learn someone else’s choreography, you’re essentially stepping into their creative mind, pushing yourself to try movements you wouldn’t normally choose. This might mean learning new aerial transitions or even discovering unconventional ways of combining moves you already know.

I’ll be honest—there’s a vulnerability in learning choreography that’s different from creating your own. When you’re improvising or crafting a routine, you’re following your own creative impulses. It feels safe, familiar. But when you step into someone else’s choreography, you’re in unknown territory. You’re not just learning steps—you’re absorbing another person’s artistic vision, which can be uncomfortable at first.

Choreography, especially someone else’s, often requires you to move in ways that feel foreign. That’s a good thing. It stretches your movement vocabulary and shows you there’s more than one way to express the same idea in the air.

2. Expanding Your Movement Vocabulary

One of the best parts about learning choreography is gaining access to a completely different language of movement. Each choreographer brings their own life experience, body awareness, and creative vision into their work. When you learn choreography from someone else, you’re borrowing pieces of that language. Over time, this builds a rich movement vocabulary that you can draw on in your own work.

For aerialists, this is especially important because it helps break away from the common patterns and tricks we might get stuck in. Learning someone else’s choreography opens your eyes to different methods of storytelling, musicality, and spatial awareness. Bonus, it also challenges your body in ways that ultimately make you stronger and more versatile.

3. Finding Inspiration for Your Own Work

Ironically, one of the best ways to find your own voice as a performer is to dive into someone else’s. As you learn another’s choreography, you inevitably stumble upon moments that resonate with you—whether it’s a particular movement phrase, an emotional tone, or a way of transitioning between tricks. These moments plant seeds of inspiration that can later bloom into your own unique ideas.For aerialists, choreography can unlock new ideas for rigging, apparatus exploration, or even combining floor and aerial work in unexpected ways. By studying a variety of choreographic styles, you become more adept at crafting your own, developing a style that’s informed, rich, and distinctly yours.

4. It Opens Doors

Being able to learn and perform choreography is a skill that can set you apart. If you’re only accustomed to working solo, in your own style, you might miss out on group work, collaborative performances, or even the chance to tour with established companies.

Many choreographers and directors look for aerialists who are flexible not just physically but artistically—those who can adapt to different choreographic styles, learn material quickly, and bring a fresh perspective. If you’ve trained yourself to learn other people’s choreography, you’re giving yourself a valuable edge.

5. Cultivating Discipline and Focus

Learning choreography isn’t always easy. It requires discipline, attention to detail, and patience—all traits that are crucial for growth in the performing arts. You have to commit to remembering sequences, perfecting timing, and refining your technique. This focused practice helps build the discipline you need not just for aerial but for any creative endeavor.

For aerialists, this can be particularly challenging because the choreography may also involve timing your movements with rigging, understanding spatial awareness in the air. But with this challenge comes incredible reward, as you gain agility in both your mind and body.

Looking ahead – Work with us!

For aerialists who are used to flying solo in more ways than one, learning other people’s choreography might feel like a strange and unfamiliar path. But the benefits are undeniable (and it’s fun!) So, if your studio or instructor offers an opportunity to learn someone else’s choreography, take it! If you have a training group, try an exchange where each aerialist develops a short piece of choreography for the others to learn. You might just find that this practice unlocks new levels of artistry and creativity.

Many moons ago, I offered a choreography-based series at Kinetic Arts Center in Oakland, CA, and it was one of my favorite classes I’ve ever taught. Well, I’m getting back to it again, with a very special online workshop series with Saffron Van Rossem.Join us for a 3-part online workshop series, as we delve into concept-driven aerial choreography. Drawing from our current aerial theatre project, Homeostasis, which visually represents the human nervous system through rope and explores the “fight, flight, freeze, and fawn” responses, we’ll share our methods and discoveries.

Choreography Workshop on Aerial Silks | Surge: Fight Mode

With Rain Anya

Apparatus: Aerial Silks

Saturday, October 5th @ 2pm-4pm EST

Choreography Workshop on Aerial Sling | Soar: Flight Mode

With Saffron Van Rossem

Apparatus: Aerial Sling

Saturday, October 12th @ 2- 4pm EST

Creative Workshop on ANY apparatus | Somatic Theatre – The Stories of the Body

With Rain Anya & Saffron Van Rossem

Any Apparatus

Saturday, October 19th @ 2pm-4pm EST

Cost: $50 (live workshop or replay)

Only 8 slots available for each live workshop

These workshops are geared toward aerialists at an intermediate or advanced level.

All proceeds go towards the production costs of creating Homeostasis, an aerial theatre production currently in its development phase. In the United States, raising funds for the arts is an ongoing challenge, as creative projects often struggle to receive the financial backing they deserve. By supporting working artists, you help sustain the lifeblood of cultural innovation, ensuring that vital stories and unique perspectives continue to reach and inspire communities. For those who would like to donate additional funds toward the project, here’s a link to donate.

The post Borrowed Moves, Original Growth: The Art of Learning Choreography appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.

My grandmother was a world traveler. In her 101 years of living on this planet she traveled to over 40 countries! As a child, I remember all the unique trinkets and crafts she brought back from her adventures abroad. I also remember how interesting and well-traveled she always seemed. She truly was a woman of the world.

Grandma and Grandpa passed down their wanderlust to our whole family. I grew up peeking through a beautiful window into the vastness of this world. When I was 16, Grandma arranged a special trip just for her and I. She brought me to London to indulge my theater obsession by going to see some West End Musicals. I found myself surprised and delighted with all the nuanced differences between British and American culture; a country I mistakenly thought would be so similar to mine. Curious and intrigued, I developed a taste for experiencing new places, people, and experiences.

I learned from early on that traveling is not just about having a fun time, or going on an adventure. It’s a powerful perspective shift  that can have lasting effects on a person’s body, mind and spirit. It can be life changing.

I vowed to always make travel a top priority in my life, even when resources were limited. I started working at a cafe when I was 15 to save up for a summer program in NYC. At 21, I used the car insurance payout on my totaled car to travel to circus school in Bristol, England. (Yes, there’s a theme here. Learning while traveling is my jam.) In fact, this December, I’m diving into a week-long Spanish Immersion course in Mexico City. It’s my perfect combo: exploring a new place while staying engaged through learning.​

I have a theory as to why traveling is so powerful for personal growth. It’s because traveling is actually a disruptor. You’re taken out of your routines and comfortable surroundings and thrown into a daily experience of novelty and unexpected paths. Travel stretches you in new, unpredictable ways. Yes, this can sometimes be scary, which is why it can be so helpful to set up a safe container on your travels. A place where you know your needs will be taken care of, and you’ll have like-minded people to share the experience with.​

Which is why I felt so aligned to the idea of starting up an aerial retreat, back in 2017 when we created our first retreat offering. I found that aerial retreats are not just about going to a beautiful place and pressing the reset button (although that’s definitely part of it). They’re an opportunity to discover new facets of yourself and expand your worldview. Aerial retreats aren’t just getaways; they’re gateways to personal growth and expanding your global community.I’ll forever remain thankful to what I learned from my Grandmother, and the rest of my travel-happy family. (Fun side note: my brother is currently getting his PHD in Slavic studies and about to spend a year in Kazakhstan) I’m thrilled that I have found a way to share this love of travel to aerialists in my community who feel a similar passion.

Aerialist Lexii Grim | Photo Marie Lu Vinh

​👀 Looking for a unique travel opportunity while you develop your aerial skills & artistry? Come join us at Casa Chango this Nov / Dec.

Casa Chango is is an eco chic artist retreat center nestled in the tropical forest. Eat healthy, home cooked Mexican food. Attend aerial workshops from Sarah and Rain in a stunning open air circus gym with a view. And experience the beauty that Puerto Escondido has to offer. 

The Deets: Aerial Escapades At Casa Chango​

Watch a short video about Casa Chango 

Silks and Sling – All levels welcome (group structure)

Dates:

November 30 – Dec 7, 2024 – Only 2 spots left!

December 7-14, 2024 – Only 2 spots left!

“A unique opportunity to learn from some of the best instructors in the aerial world and make new friends from all over the world in a gorgeous location. I just loved it!” Daniela Mileva, Austria – Paper Doll Retreats

The post Lessons from my Grandmother appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.

Have you been experiencing a dose of artistic inertia? In my lifelong pursuit of a creative life I’ve definitely encountered my fair share. In the process, I’ve been lucky enough to gather and develop tools that have helped me plow through challenges and supercharge my creative process along the way. I’m excited to share some of my lessons with you today.

But before we jump in…let me start by saying, this topic is NOT JUST for those who make a living in some kind of artistic career. This is for anyone who has a creative practice, especially those who want to nurture that practice. And hey, if you’re reading this, you’re most likely somehow involved in aerial or circus arts (or you’re my mom…hi mom!). Well then, guess what? You have a creative practice. Unless you are ONLY conditioning on your apparatus, I’m going to guess that you are engaging in some creative pursuits in your aerial work.

Because at its roots, aerial arts is an expressive art form.

It’s not gymnastics; it’s not sports acrobatics. Even if your primary goal is fitness-based, you have chosen to do your fitness activities in a format that has arisen from a performative art. For example, when I find a shape in the air that feels good to my body, I am making a creative choice; I am spending a moment in my art.

So from the seasoned performer to the recreational hobbyist, let’s agree that we are all artists, ok? (If you identify as an aerialist who’s not an artist, I’m totally cool with that and not here to argue, but most likely the rest of this blog is not really written with you in mind.)

Any artist will tell you, the road is never straight nor without challenges. I know I’m not the only one who struggles to carve out quality creative time or suffers from a lack of inspiration. Recently, I’ve encountered an overabundance of creative ideas, which has resulted in decision fatigue and artistic inertia. Though our challenges will morph and change, having some solid creative tools can go a long way. I do have some tricks up my sleeve and I’m inspired to share them with you today.

I’ve distilled today’s lessons into three tips. That’s because life is overwhelming as it is, and I think advice is always easier to digest in threes.

Tip # 1: Show up Relentlessly and Embrace Unproductivity

I’m a person who has always had high expectations for myself—a perfectionist through and through. I used to come to a training session or rehearsal with a long list of things I wanted to achieve.

Sometimes I would meet my laundry list of goals, sure, but usually, the creative process has other plans in mind. It’s a messy, non-linear trajectory with unexpected detours and left turns. When we put a productivity filter on top of the creative process, it’s like trying to fit an octopus into a sock. It just doesn’t fit.

Inevitably, I would leave feeling dejected, like I failed. It’s so much harder to bounce back into an inspired state if I’m stuck wallowing in the disappointment of the outcome.

Fast forward to the pandemic. I was extremely lucky to have an aerial setup in my living room, so I could still keep up with aerial work. Unfortunately, all my motivation had simply flown out the window. I had to come up with some new strategies to get my butt in the air.

It was around that time when I switched my goal to literally one thing: move my body.

What I did in that movement session didn’t matter because I had already achieved my goal just by showing up. Some days were extremely productive, inspiring, or fulfilling. Others were a wash. But with this mindset shift, I was able to allow for a new approach to training that is more flexible, more compassionate, and honestly, more realistic.

My relationship with my creative practice totally changed when I started putting this into practice. And even now, when we’re past the pandemic, I still arrive at every movement session with the same mindset. The most important thing is that I show up for my craft; anything fruitful that comes out of it is a pure bonus.

Tip #2: Align your Inner Needs with External Spaces

To really dive into this second tip, you first need to find out what your inner artist needs. I can’t stress this enough…this is a lifelong process and it is not static. It will change as you change. But nevertheless, you must embark on this journey for yourself.

In the pursuit of crafting a creative incubator, we will look at our external environment. Let me give a couple of examples to help clarify.

Some artists thrive around other people, in a constant state of input and ideas coming in from all directions. For this artist, being creative in a busy aerial studio might be exactly what they need.

A different artist may need to remove all distractions in order to truly focus in on their ideas. For this artist, they may want to consider applying to a residency program in a rural location, to cut themselves off from the demands of daily life. People are different, and therefore our ideal creative environments will be different.

Let’s consider another extremely important element of our external environment: time. When do you feel most creative? Is it in the early morning, in those magic hours before the rest of the world wakes up? Is it mid-afternoon when the sun is high and everything is buzzing with energy? (This is mine.) Or maybe you are a night owl who, like poets and painters of old, takes your inspiration from Lady Moon and quiet moments.

We can take this idea of timing even further. Do you like to work on a project in short, exciting bursts? Or do you like slow processes with time to ruminate and space between sessions? (For me, it’s the slow burn.)

We can see just how important it is to truly know yourself so that you can craft the perfect incubation environment. Once you’ve identified your inner artist’s needs, then begins the work of fighting for your art. Which brings us to tip #3.

Tip # 3 Fight For Your Art

I don’t mean you need to put up fisticuffs. By this, I mean “carve out time and space for your art.” But those words just aren’t strong enough to reflect the immense effort necessary in a world that is constantly vying for your attention and time. We often have to try and fit in our creative practice between the tiny cracks of our mountains of other responsibilities and concerns. I’m not only speaking to those with 9-to-5 jobs. I am a perfect case in point. I make a living through aerial arts, so you might think I have the luxury of doing my art whenever I feel inspired. If you think this…you would be wrong.

In order to make a living, I run a business that includes many facets of my art. I STILL have to fight for my creative time. I can’t tell you how common it is for me to get sucked into admin tasks, meetings, project proposals, applications, life responsibilities, etc., and another day has gone by where I didn’t even so much as look at my creative projects or move my body.

For so many of us, we’re in a precarious juggling act, dealing with our most important survival needs, caring responsibilities, and just… so. much. adulting. Spending our time and energy on art and play can easily get pushed to the bottom of the list. That’s why we have to fight for our art.

The topic of HOW to best fight for our art is perhaps too big to tackle for this blog, but when I look at the tools and tactics that I use to fight for my art, one in particular stands out: using external accountability measures. Here are a couple of examples of what this looks like in my life:

1. Signing up for a class, workshop, or outside project. For example, just yesterday, I signed up for this cool Creation Workshop that I put on my calendar for next month. It’s contemporary dance-focused, which is a bit out of my comfort zone (also another great topic for a different post) and signing up (and paying for it) holds me accountable to dedicate the time and space to nurturing my craft.

2. Committing to a project deadline before it’s completed. Whew! This is a scary one. But I can’t tell you how many times this has lit the fire of my creative practice in a very tangible way. Sure, sometimes it can backfire and create an undue amount of stress. That’s why you must also become good at being realistic in your deadlines (estimate 2x the amount of time you think it will take!). A recent example for me was when I committed to being a part of the Touching Two Worlds show this past May with only the seed of an idea for a new act. But my deadline was realistic and this it was the exact thing I needed to jumpstart this new act concept.

There are many other practical tools that can help you carve out time, energy, and attention for your creative practice. I highly recommend reading the book Deep Work for other insightful strategies, such as time blocking, which has also been a huge help to me on this front. Yes, this is a book that primarily deals with deep work in a business context, but the concepts are highly transferable, and the author uses many examples of artists throughout history who have a commitment to deep work.

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Inspired to take action steps toward your own creative process? We’d love for you to join us for our Aerial Escapades Retreat in Mexico in 2024. Every afternoon we work with creativity, theatricality and finding your own aerial voice using our Vertical Theatre Method. This is a super inspiring way to focus in on your craft while having an adventure at the same time! For more information click here.

The post Show Up Relentlessly, Embrace Unproductivity appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.

I’m not alone in this; I’ve noticed that many aerialists share a similar lifestyle—one that’s incredibly packed! I want to delve into this concept and explore how it intersects with my aerial practice and fertility journey.

In my previous blog I talked about the fear of becoming a mother. Here I’ll talk about the first trimester and that fear more realized.

I’m currently navigating my sixth pregnancy, if you don’t know my story, no I don’t have a hoard of children. I’ve never made it to the point of having a live birth, though I’ve spent a seemingly enormous amount of time being pregnant over the past 3 years. With each of my pregnancies, I didn’t slow down, not before, during or after the losses, until now, with number six.

On learning of the loss of my first pregnancy, what was my immediate reaction? I headed straight to the studio and created a piece about it, with my husband composing the accompanying music. Our mutual art became a powerful means for both of us to navigate and process our grief. For me, moving my body has proven to be one of the most effective ways to move through and process emotions.

Aerial is my outlet, my income, and in some ways has become an integral part of my identity. And thus I approached each pregnancy much like I do most of my life, with this mantra, “how much can I fit in before . . .”

If you’ve participated in our Remote Teacher Training, you’ll be familiar with all the reference videos that are part of the course. Many of the Level 1 rope and silks videos featuring me were filmed during my first pregnancy, and Level 2 lyra and trapeze videos, including the full beats section, were filmed during my fourth pregnancy.

Each loss propelled me into a flurry of further action based response. I underwent every possible test through multiple private healthcare practitioners, seeking to unravel the mystery of what was going on. I did blood work of every kind and hormone analysis. I had a hysteroscopy of my womb and ultrasounds of my ovaries. I replaced my undergarments with organic ones, eliminated all chemicals from my home, and invested in a water purification system. I worked privately with a nutritionist, kinesiologist, pilates instructor and spent loads of money on supplements. I even took out my nose ring because I was told the metal interrupts my meridian lines. I took progesterone tablets and low dose aspirin (the NHS form of support for multiple miscarriages). I delved into books and blogs of various kinds in search of answers, only to find that all tests indicated I was 100% healthy. Nothing I did made a difference. The cause was chalked up to “a bad roll of the dice with an older body.”

The term “older body” struck a chord. My great grandmother had five children, two of whom were born when she was over 40. Babies born to women over 40 aren’t a new phenomenon solely attributable to changes in the workforce (perhaps a topic for another blog—staying on point!).

Throughout this entire journey, I consistently felt a twinge of desire to train, to make progress, and be as fit as possible before reaching the point in pregnancy where I knew I would need to ease off a bit.

As an instructor, I always emphasize to my expecting students, the importance of listening to their bodies. I advise against attempting to up-level during pregnancy or trying new skills. Instead, stick to what you know and listen to your body. Here I am in my fifth pregnancy training. To be honest, I felt perfectly fine doing so and had no signs indicating a need to slow down.

Following this loss, I sought the guidance of a Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor. She asserted that she could balance my hormones and to my surprise also improve egg quality. This contradicted what others had told me, insisting that egg quality was fixed based on age and life decisions. What was equally refreshing was her statement, “oh, you have time.” She prescribed a three-month period of not actively trying to conceive to allow my womb to rest and heal, along with weekly acupuncture sessions and a daily intake of a rather unpleasant-tasting tea.

After the prescribed rest period, she gave the green light to resume trying. Enter baby #6. At a session when I was about six weeks pregnant, I asked her opinion about plane travel during pregnancy. I had been offered an exciting opportunity to work with Aloft Circus Arts Professional Training Program in Chicago, but I had reservations about plane travel, considering it risky in the first trimester. She matter-of-factly assured me that it would be fine, but then she picked up my backpack from the floor.

“This is too heavy!” she said. “If you are going to travel, you must not carry a heavy bag. And also, you shouldn’t lift your bag into the overhead compartment. It’s not good to reach your arms up high.”

Excuse me? I really didn’t think my bag was heavy at all, and reaching my arms up high?

I then showed her a video of what I do, which she had no idea about.

She shook her head. “No, you can’t do that.”

We’ve all heard people telling women what they can and can’t do. While I firmly believe in listening to my own body, I was also seeking her medical advice, and I thought it would be useful for her to clarify more.

“Well, can I go running?”

“No.”

“Can I lift weights?”

“No.”

“Can I do abs?”

“What do you mean by that?” she asked.

I showed her an example of abs on the acupuncture table.

“No, not that either.”

“What can I do?”

“You can walk. And don’t drink cold liquids, and don’t sit on the floor; it puts too much pressure on your womb. Sit in chairs only. Keep your feet and legs warm.

“For how long is that all I’m allowed to do, or rather not do these things?”

“For the first trimester at least.”

So I left with my new batch of Chinese herbs and a question. Should I follow her advice for the first trimester?

Why not?

“There is a saying: ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.’”

I reached out to Aloft and, despite being in the early stages of pregnancy, shared my news as a way to explain that I’d need to make a plan to adapt my workshops and how I’d be working with the protrack students. Their response was incredibly supportive. I also informed the Professional Program Students about my situation, emphasizing that I had a sensitive passenger and that I was following strict orders from my doctor. Throughout the week, they ensured there was a chair next to me, and when I went to demonstrate something, they would ask, “Are you sure?” and patiently let me explain instead. Breaking the habit of constant activity was challenging, but having the students caring so much about me was so wonderfully supportive and encouraging.

There was a part of me that felt like a fraud for not demonstrating. Much of my instructional practice is deeply rooted in somatics, with me being kinesthetic learner myself. When a student has a question where I don’t have an immediate answer to hand, I often say, “Give me one moment,” and work my way through the skill, then say, “Ah, I see your problem.” What I really mean is, “Ah, I FEEL your problem.”

I also saw many rad aerialists in Chicago and I just wanted to play with them!

Being grounded challenged me significantly as an instructor. Reflecting on my early days in the Bay Area when I was still a fledgling instructor, I remembered watching my senior, Helene Turcotte, a 20-year veteran performer then turned instructor who NEVER demonstrated. She calmly talked her students through the movements, and her students thrived. It’s a different skill set to teach without demonstrating at all and one that, I have to admit, is not as developed yet as I think it could be, even though I’ve been teaching since 2005.

However, there were other changes and challenges unfolding within me during this time. One of these was the loss of my runner’s high. I love running because of that feeling. I’d recently started running my 5K 3-5 times a week again and was really loving it. I’d previously given it up as another tactic in my fertility journey. I’d stopped for about a year because I’d found some research that states that high intensity sport and cardio spikes cortisol which decreases progesterone – which is crucial to proper egg implantation.

During that period of not running, I had found an acceptable replacement that worked for me: Kundalini yogic breathwork. I could achieve a similar high (or close to it) without running by doing breath of fire every morning. However, breath of fire was also on the list of things to not to do while pregnant.

The absence of that energetic release began to affect my mental health in an interesting way.

Running, lifting weights, doing aerial, dancing vigorously, or practicing breath of fire all made me feel fierce. The lack of these activities left me feeling fragile.

I AM NOT FRAGILE! I would hear a voice in me shouting.

I also began to experience a looming fear of losing strength; having dreams of not being strong enough to invert. This was compounded by body dysmorphia with a dread of becoming flabby, which to me is different from having a baby bump. The days passed and I felt myself getting softer.

But then something happened . . .

I have had fairly consistent pain for maybe 12 years now. It comes and goes, sometimes it’s almost unbearable, other times just a mild discomfort. I can attribute all these pains to exact injuries over the years. They live in my right hip flexor, my hamstring insertion, my ribs, in my lower back and one of my knees.

In the quiet moments, particularly when lying awake at night, I sensed a feeling of unwinding taking place. One night, it almost felt as if the bones in my hip were moving. Now this could be attributed to relaxin surging through my body, the hormone that facilitates ligaments stretching for the pelvis to open during childbirth. But I’m not so sure. The changes were all happening exactly in my injury locations. I could feel a tension, an old tension leaving my body. All my pains are gone.

Is this what deep rest does?

Sure I’ve had spells where I was grounded due to injuries, broken bones, torn muscles, et cetera. But when I was injured in one part of my body I would just train a different part. But to stop ALL activity except for walking for three months, now that’s a different game altogether and something I have not done in my 20 years of doing aerials.

Years ago, during a serious bout of pneumonia, my mother, a nurse familiar with my tendencies, told me, “Sarah, remember, doing nothing is DOING something right now. Resting energy is healing energy. The less you do, the quicker your body will heal.”

Did it take these few months of doing nothing for my muscles to have the space to release this tension from injuries of years and years ago? And at that same time the energy I wasn’t expending on aerials was building bones, small, new ones in a little body in my womb.

So, where am I now? I’ve successfully navigated through the first trimester, and my weekly acupuncture appointments have transitioned to monthly ones, with no need for the tea anymore. My practitioner also gave me the tentative go ahead to start to explore more movement, but slowly. I’m into my third trimester now.

No one can REALLY KNOW why this one is still with us. Was it because I stopped all activity? Perhaps it’s linked to the spiritual healing work I undertook just before conceiving again. Or could it be the introduction of animal products into my diet after seven years of being a vegan? Maybe it was the acupuncture and Chinese herbs, or quite possibly it was literally just a lucky roll of the dice.

But no matter what is happening with my fertility journey and why behind it all, I can reflect on one thing. This time of rest has changed me.

I’ve shifted my attention to the benefit of this experience rather than the temporary loss of my passion. I always say that I’m in this for the long game. Expect to see me in the air when I’m pushing 80 years old. Perhaps one of the keys to the long game is switching off the DO mentality, at least from time to time. Sometimes for various reasons your body needs rest. I’ve been doing aerials for 19 years and I’ve NEVER taken a 3 month break.

NOT DOING isn’t the void, it is an opportunity for something else to come in its place. And in my case, I think it is a time of healing which will support my real aerial goal of the long game. Maybe it will mean something else too, someone coming in about 8 more weeks.

I am not fragile, I am fiercely doing the best thing for my sensitive passenger, but also for me.

I AM FIERCE!

_____________________________________

Want to listen to Sarah tell the FULL unedited RAW version?

Check it out on the Expecting Aerialist podcast.

The post Fragile or Fierce – The Great Slow Down appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.

Aerial arts or motherhood. Do I have to choose?

I envy people who have 100% unwavering clarity on whether or not they want to be parents. The uncertainty can be incredibly tortuous. For the past four years, I’ve often found myself yearning for that kind of clarity, which may seem odd once you hear about the experiences I’ve had during this period. I’ll share a part of it with you, and based on recent conversations with other aerialists, it seems like this is a ripe topic for discussion. So, let’s delve into it.

Embarking on the journey to motherhood is a huge decision no matter who you are. It’s a game of surrender and the reward of love.

But how much do we let go of in our surrender? Let me rephrase that: how much do we lose? Even though we have mothers everywhere to look to and see how they do it, it feels impossible to know how it will be FOR YOU.

Now compound this life changing decision with the added layer that you are an aerialist.

What does that matter? There are several aspects that are in conflict between doing aerial and being a mother.

Time

Aerial can demand a heavy time commitment. We need time to keep our conditioning, learn new things, teach (if we teach) and perform (if we perform). Babies and children also take a LOT of time. So is their time in direct conflict with our time if we welcome them into our lives? I don’t know about you, I barely have enough time to do all the things I love already. How is having a kid going to square with this?

Body Freedom

“Body Freedom” is a term that captures the essence of having unrestricted access to your body and the freedom to use it as you please. Welcoming a baby into your life can temporarily compromise this freedom, especially in terms of maintaining peak physical fitness. The process of regaining strength and fitness after childbirth entails a significant comeback period. The effort required to resume and advance in your physical capabilities is substantial. The question that arises: are you willing to take on that kind of setback?

The Lifestyle

Being an aerialist entails a wealth of exciting experiences, including gigs, travel, retreats, workshops, and meet-ups. The question that naturally arises is whether it’s feasible to continue participating in these activities with a baby in tow. Can you seamlessly integrate your little one into the dynamic lifestyle of an aerialist, balancing the demands of parenthood with the pursuit of your passion?

Finances

Financial stress has consistently been a factor influencing people’s decisions regarding parenthood, and this holds true in our industry as well. When your costs go up with your wee one, not only might you have to defend your time in going to aerial class, but also justify the cost. If you are an instructor or performer, how will you manage financially while pregnant and in the first months. Freelancers, at least in the States don’t get maternity pay and in many countries there is varying degree of support. How will you manage?

Biology

So with all of the above challenges why would anyone consider being a parent?

Everyone has their own story. But I’d say for me I’d chalk it up simply to a biological urge – a force to be reckoned with! It’s a life force surging through your body in the form of hormones which changes the way you feel, you think, you’re very identity. It’s no fucking joke.

In my early 30’s I started getting things I called “baby flutters”. It would come over randomly and there’s no way to describe it other than a calling to have a baby. A need to look after someone, hold them, watch them, enjoy them, love them. But I also noted that I would have “baby shudders”. Moments where I thought “thank fuck I don’t have a kid!” I observed myself and noted that baby flutters were usually around in the middle part of my cycle, circling the time of ovulation and the baby shudders arrived a few days before my period. I knew it was simply a hormonal thing, and not enough reason to halt my aerial career for. I often thought of it as “that thing I’d get to someday”. And if there was ever a time in my life where the baby flutters lasted more than one cycle, then I’d have beat biology and it would be a real instinct coming from the individual of me, not just my chemistry.

Well that time hit me in early 2020. I think it did a lot of people at that time, as many of us got shaken from our aerial lives and we did conditioning in our living rooms by doing odd things with household objects. It came on quickly, at first a whisper and then a scream. It not only felt important, but it felt urgent. I did my thing of sitting with it for 2 months, sure enough it was still there.

An example of hope

At the same time, we got a message from a lovely student from England who reached out and said, “Have you ever considered doing your aerial teacher training online? I always wanted to take your course, but it’s not possible because I’m a single parent.”

Orly Phillips, a gorgeous aerialist who lives on a boat in middle England parked in a canal with her (then) 2 year old son was the impetus for us to consider putting our teacher training online.

Rain and I spent the rest of the pandemic working harder than I think we’ve ever worked to translate all of our apparatus across 2 levels into a remote format while maintaining the quality of our in-person training.

The program grew and adapted and got refined and finessed (we are still updating always! ‘cause that’s our MO) But the very first Beta version was joined by Orly, and she did aerial with us while her son rode his tricycle in circles around her mat while she was in the air, and breast fed during the discussions. Since then we’ve had other awesome aerial mama’s joining our courses in a similar fashion!

And I thought, maybe this is the way! I don’t have to give up aerials. I can just do it differently for a little while. I can reach students and connect with the greater community and I can still be in the scene. I don’t have to lose it all.

The two headed person

But it still was not that simple. Even with the biological urge waking me in the night and tapping me on the shoulder throughout the day, even though I had an avenue of possibility in front of me, it was still complicated. I wanted to do it, but I felt scared. Really scared!

I had full-on debates and battles in my head. I became two people. There was The Maiden, the still skateboarding 38 year old who wanted to travel the world and be free. She used reason, which was actually quite intelligent and calculated and convinced me that motherhood was not for me in this lifetime. Then there was The Mother, she soothed the maiden, and told her she would be different but not lost, that there was love beyond understanding, there was joy and a lifetime of being a witness, which value is far beyond any self driven experience could possibly be.

I felt exhausted, confused and a need to urgently get to a solution either way. I didn’t want to exist in this debate. I wanted to just move on with my life whichever way it took.

The Jump

As a kid growing up in Maine, we spent our summers jumping off high places into cool water: rail bridges into rivers, cliffs into the ocean, rope swings from the riverbank. I can’t stand the feeling of fear just before the jump. So instead of standing there looking down, my tactic was always to jump as soon as I could, after the first jump it was easy.

The to and fro of the mother and maiden drove me mad. To save my mind, I decided to jump.

It was such a relief to know that I was doing it. I walked around in a cloud of joy. I was doing it! We got pregnant fairly quickly, there was no return now. Those first two months were filled with hope and joy and certainty. I had my first midwife appointment at 11 weeks and I had my first scan booked for the following week.

Then strange things happened. I told my partner that I thought “she was quiet” My partner, said, “Of course. They are like the size of a grape or something.” And it was true I had never felt them move, you have to be much further along for that. But it was an energetic thing. I just kept telling him. She’s quiet. During this time, I remember walking to the shop and while crossing the road I saw a woman crossing towards me, a two year old holding her hand and a large baby bump. And I felt the strangest feeling. Jealousy. Why was I jealous? I was pregnant!

I found out the next week at the scan that I’d lost the baby.

Of course there is grief. There is also anger. But there is also science and I knew not every pregnancy is a success. I thought of this loss as statistical dues. I paid my dues, the next one would be a sure thing.

But our second baby also ended in loss. Anger was the predominant feeling with this one. Another was spite. Fuck it then. I won’t have a baby! How cruel to have stood on that cliff twice and bravely go for it, then find your feet still standing on the cliff edge.

I decided I would pour myself into my work, I trained hard, denied myself food to get lean, carved back anything I could. The maiden was in full force, pissed off at having to have had so many conversations with that damn Mother.

She came back though. It took a full year for her to return, but she did, at first just a soft whisper.

It would be nice if this is where the story ends. But it’s not. I had two more miscarriages. Each one threw me back into the debate with myself. Also for my partner who is a professional musician, with each loss we were back at square 1. Do we want to do this? And I also had the added disturbance that the losses were a sign that I shouldn’t be a mom. And maybe even because of my internal conflict. Was my indecisiveness a reason for the miscarriages? Did I bring this on myself?

I’m now pregnant again. Baby #5 has made it to week 17 so far. When you’ve had as much loss as I have there is no certainty until the baby is in your arms. So the question remains will I be a mum, even though my waistline is growing fast.

I told a friend and colleague the other day our news, she was elated and said, “Sarah I’m so happy for you, you wanted this so badly.” I felt really confused by this statement. And then I realized that unless you share what goes on behind the scenes, if you keep getting pregnant people assume you are on a single minded mission filled with clarity and purpose.

I know what it’s like to walk the hard path of uncertainty and live in the fear of losing what you love because of the strange desire to have a child.

Oh aerialists. It’s not easy. No one can answer it for you, no matter how many people you ask. But talking about it does help.

I was blown away at how much our community had to say on this subject (you!) The discussion was heartfelt, honest, and vibrant. Check out our IG Story Highlights where aerialists mums, never-to-be mums, and mums maybe-to-be share their feelings.

The post Motherhood? appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.

I can’t wait to dive in and tell you all about the juicy discoveries we made in our recent creation residency. But before I get too far, I feel this needs a bit of background information.

The project is called Homeostasis, and it’s based on and around the human nervous system. The apparatus is an aerial sculpture that was created in collaboration with Shibari artist, Kemo Burns, back in January of 2022. The ropes are tied together using the intricate workings of this Japanese art form.

I started to tackle the challenge of maneuvering on this giant jungle gym of ropes back in April 2022, in a duo piece with Lena Alani. In this initial performance, we really got to explore what’s possible in terms of movement and imagery.

Fast forward to August of 2023, where Saffron Van Rossem joined me in Los Angeles for a self-imposed artist residency.

Here’s where I really feel I need to take a moment to explain. (especially for those who may live in more funded countries). Getting arts funding in the United States is hard. Hard is an understatement, so I’ll paint a picture. I’ve been creating original work for 18 years, and received 3 U.S. based grants within that time frame. In my experience, financial support for artistic work primarily comes either from crowdfunding or the artist’s personal investment.

But I’m an artist through and through, and it’s not an option to NOT make art. So what do I do…? Create my own artist residency. So Saffron and I carved out a full two weeks to focus and commit to the creative process. (Very hard to do…fellow small business owners, I know you get it.)

We assembled our Circus Gear rig in the backyard and set a rehearsal schedule that worked around the hot days of summer in Los Angeles. We were ready…our heads swimming with ideas, and equipped with plenty of bug spray.

Ok, now here’s the part where I get to fill you in on the inside scoop on our creative process and the interesting discoveries we made.

Homeostasis is about the nervous system…a truly fascinating subject that scientists, psychologists, and the general public are learning more and more about every day.

Our mornings started with research, both cognitive and physical. We would start by reading a section from our residency bible, Complex PTSD, then choose concepts that felt poignant and create improvisational exercises to explore. Through physicalizing the material, we would often have some kind of “ah-ha”moment; a direct result of embodying the feeling rather than intellectualizing it.

A lot of our research concerns our bodies’ natural survival responses; fight, flight, freeze and fawn. As individuals AND as a society, we can easily get stuck in these responses and our nervous system rarely gets an opportunity to rest or down-regulate. Many therapists and somatic practitioners have techniques to help people come back to a place of homeostasis, or balance. A process like this is called co-regulation.

One of our primary inquiries is around co-regulation. This feels particularly compelling to us, in dealing with our own personal habitual responses, and also in learning about how to support our loved ones when they’re struggling with their mental health.

Day after day, we dissected and explored a concept, both on the floor and in the air. Here are some of the highlights of our discoveries.

When embodying “flight” we organically moved into synchronized movement and found a deep comfort in this. Later, when talking with a somatic therapist we learned about the physiological reason for this….this taps into “mirror neurons” by mirroring the body language of the person stuck in flight mode.

We learned about somatic techniques for co-regulation when a person is stuck in a “freeze” state. By slowly titrating in gentle, rhythmic movement a person can start to become unstuck….in body, mind, and spirit.

When embodying “fight” mode we tapped into a profound anger, and recognized the deep aversion to looking inward. This inspired using a mirror in our improvisations, recognizing the need to face yourself as an essential catalyst for the healing journey.

We grieved over our own relationship to “fawning,” recognizing the deeply entrenched pressures of (in particular) women in our society, and how people pleasing shows up and casts a shadow over our authentic selves.

While western psychology is starting to become more body-centric in integrating these physically based techniques, these are healing practices that have been used for centuries within indigenous and tribal communities. This is why dance, movement, and ritual are integral to our individual and collective health.

So yeah, this stuff goes deep, and we often found ourselves needing to keep ourselves in check during the residency. Making art is challenging, and there’s a certain amount of stress that creates a healthy resiliency. But also we had to confront our own tendencies to push past those lines.

Because, how can we make a piece whose central thesis surrounds the need for down-regulation, while simultaneously putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves for our time and outcome…all in the name of productivity.

All in all, it was a rich and enlightening experience and we are most excited for how far this project can go. We are building an educational component which will complement the performance work. We found first hand how powerful it can be to gain insight on these topics through physical play and experiential learning.

Please reach out if you have any ideas, contacts, or resources that you think would be a good fit for this project. We are specifically seeking relationships with individuals and organizations who specialize in mental health through a somatic lens.

– Rain Anya, Co-artistic Director of Paper Doll Militia

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“Should I use rosin?”

“Should I advise my students for or against it?”

“My studio doesn’t allow rosin at ALL. Is this normal?”

You may already have strong opinions about the matter. We’re not here to stand on a soap box one way or another, but we are happy to share our perspective on this (often) very heated discussion topic…..we have a lot to say about it!

Why would an aerialist choose to use rosin in the first place? Rosin is a grip aid and helps you and your students feel more confident and safe hanging from their hands.

❌Rosin off-limits❌

Now, let’s get into the buzz about studios banning rosin and why they’re doing it. The main concern we have heard that studios and instructors have is that using rosin can lead to dependency. When students become reliant on rosin, they may find it challenging to feel confident in the air without its assistance. In essence, it becomes a crutch that hinders the improvement of their grip strength.

Does this argument hold its weight? While we agree that it’s possible to overuse rosin and develop dependency, we also think it’s important to acknowledge that all bodies are different. We’ll say it again for the people in the back.

All bodies are different. This includes the skin that encases them! If you have dry hands, and you have cold hands (no sweat is going to come no matter how hard you work) then you will have slippery hands. And this is exacerbated enormously if you are training in a cool, dry environment. Some people have the opposite problem, where their hands sweat so much, the apparatus becomes like a slip ‘n slide. If working on bar apparatus this would be where you might use chalk, and sometimes people also use ‘dry hands.’

Ballerinas use rosin on the bottom of their ballet slippers to give them the desired amount of grip on the floor. Violinists rosin their bows to create the sound they want. A grip aid is just that, an aid, a boost, an enhancement. Just because someone has slippery hands, does not mean that they have weak grip. We allow grip aids in all our classes and retreats for this reason.

🌱How we like to use grip-aids

There is something to be said for grip aids becoming habit-forming.  It’s easy to slip into the habit of applying rosin before every turn. This can become a sort of dependency, potentially based on some fear, but mostly habit. 

We do like to be mindful of our rosin use (or any other grip-aid), and try to skip applying rosin before doing basic skills and conditioning. We feel that a little rosin, applied sparingly can go a long way IF you do have adequate grip strength.

Since grip strength is the core reason why some studios and teachers ban grip aids, let’s address how to strengthen grip in the first place. We shouldn’t solely focus on the hands and forearms; we need to look further up the arm to the shoulder. Studies have shown that a lack of grip strength can indicate injury or weakness in the shoulder girdle. So yet another reason to work on your prehab injury prevention shoulder exercises. Here is one of our favorites!

Serratus Shifting – Shoulder Stability Exercise

This video comes from our Remote Teacher Training. Did you know we have an hour long FREE Taster Course Available? If you’re interested in getting more of a sneak peek at the program, CLICK HERE

Spray Rosin vs. Dry Rosin?

Spray rosin can make you feel like spiderman, but sometimes it can make a film on your hands that becomes no longer sticky, making it so that you have to apply and reapply. We personally get more lasting results from dry rosin.

What about on ropes, ‘cause we can’t wash them?

Some covered rope owners do not let anyone on their rope with rosin. The claim is that it wears out the rope faster. Because spray rosin can leave a film, it can make a rope feel a bit gummy after copious amounts have been used on it over a substantial period of time. It may break down the rope cover eventually. But our suspicion is that the stickiness creates more friction on the apparatus and more tug on the textile and that is what causes the wear. We have no science to prove that point. However, from experience we have noticed that dry rosin on ropes will make your ropes more grip friendly but less sticky. So dry is our preference on equipment as well.

Rosin Allergies Anyone?

There are some studios who don’t allow rosin because one or more people in the community have an allergy. In our opinion, this is a totally valid reason to ban it from your studio. If this is the case in your studio, a good alternative is to spritz some water on your hands before climbing. (especially when training in a dry climate) Some other alternatives are to have designated apparatus, separate areas or rooms designated as rosin-free zones. (depending on the severity of the allergy of course)

Final thoughts

Using rosin is not cheating, and should not be mistaken for fly tape; it’s not merely sticking you in place. Instead, it prevents sliding so that you can focus on the skill at hand. Personally, we try not to rely on rosin by default, or out of habit, but use it strategically when it makes a difference between sliding and maintaining a secure grip, especially when working on more challenging skills. 

Whatever your personal relationship to rosin, we believe it’s important not to stigmatize it. We can never know the personal and medical background of a person, including all the reasons why it might serve as an important resource.

Written by Sarah Holmes & Rain Anya – Co-artistic Directors | Paper Doll Militia

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The post To Rosin or not to Rosin? appeared first on Paper Doll Militia.